Halloween with a baby means candy for mom and dad!

Audrey's first Halloween was a success. She was the cutest giraffe on the block.

I am actually really proud of my Halloween picture planning. The weather was supposed to be awful today, and it was it rained all day. So, with that in mind I took Audrey's picture in her costume yesterday when it was beautiful outside. That is winning.

Baby girl has no idea what candy is, what trick-or-treating is, or what Halloween is and therefore had no Halloween expectations. Neither of us felt compelled to take her out trick-or-treating in the rain, it did stop for a bit but whatever, we weren't sure how we were going to make the timing work anyway. However, we did want to do something with her. Enter trick-or-treating at the mall. It was just what we wanted we got five pieces of candy, people oooed and ahhed over the adorable giraffe, and then Audrey went and played at the mall play area. Which she loves by the way. It was clearly her favorite part of the evening, though she did enjoy shaking the candy in her pumpkin. JT and I ate the candy on the way back to the car, because when your kid doesn't know what candy is you can just eat it and move on. Again, winning.

We aren't total jerks, next year Audrey can have her candy. Or at least most of it, but she is too young this year.

We also failed to carve pumpkins this year. But Audrey did get to pick a pumpkin at the "pumpkin patch" at the nature center and I put a glitter face on it for her. And she got to play with pumpkin guts at a Halloween party, so she got a deconstructed pumpkin carving experience. We'll carve pumpkins next year, I promise.

Add stealing Halloween candy from your children to the list of unexpected parenting perks.

Audrey: 11 Months

One month until Audrey is a year old. Whoa.

This month Audrey has been busy working on her balance, walking, and all terrain crawling.

Her balance is getting pretty darn good. She can squat down to pick something up and stand back up without falling. I think that is more than many adults can say. Good work doots.

Audrey has also started taking a few steps here and there, as I mentioned before here. She is both getting better at walking and at cruising around the furniture. Baby girl moves around those couches fast. I finally got to see her take more than one step today. She took at least 5 while we were at mom and baby group, it was a wonderful site to see. She'll be walking in no time. Hopefully I will have a video soon!

All terrain crawling is one of Audrey's favorite pastimes. She loves to crawl over your legs, or torso, or head. She also enjoys crawling through furniture, think coffee and end tables, and over anything else that may be in her way. It is actually quite impressive that she has enough arm strength to get her legs back to the floor from a higher surface without bashing her head as she has not yet figured out how to go off things backwards. So, she goes forward and uses those pipes. Sometimes she bonks her head, but usually she does well.

One of Audrey's favorite games is chase. If you get down on your hands and knees and take off after her she crawls away as fast as she can and starts laughing so hard she falls on her belly. It is adorable and so fun that you keep crawling around on your knees even though it sucks, crawling on your hands and knees as a grown person hurts.

She is becoming more of a toddler every day. The little lady is eating so much food. Seriously she eats so much right now. She will also eat almost anything you give her. Seriously almost anything. She eats what we eat a day later cause I can't get dinner ready before bedtime. Today she had butternut squash and kale curry (not spicy curry I'm not mean) with rice, earlier this week she had quinoa and eggplant salad. I'm not counting on this adventurous palate sticking around forever, but it is nice while it lasts.

She loves to wave goodbye. Loves it. I drop her at daycare and she starts waving as soon as I hand her off. It is wonderful that she loves daycare so much, but I wouldn't mind if she missed me a little bit. She even waves to animals at the zoo.

She has also learned to clap and dance to music. She loves singing songs, reading books, dancing to music, and watching sesame street. She is actually fun to play with these days, that is a sure sign she is growing up.

She is my favorite and she will be a big kid in no time. So fun, but a little sad too.

Now the lists
Things Audrey LOVES right now

• Food
• Crawling everywhere and playing chase
• Cats and dogs
• Waving goodbye
• Clapping
• Dancing
• Being tossed, zoomed, rocked - any quick movement through the air is fun for her.
• Swings and slides
• The remote
• Books
• Apple cores (we let her chew on them when we are done and she gets really, really pissed if you take too long to eat the apple).
• Sleeping

Things Audrey HATES right now

•  When you take the remote, apple core, etc. from her.
• Being hungry
• Being tired
• Bumping her head and face
• Not getting enough attention
• Snuggling, she wants attention just not physical attention. She is a complex creature.
• Lemons

Audrey is super happy and fun right now. Everyday is a joy with her, for real. Everyday when JT picks her up from daycare our provider says she was great. Usually I think she must be lying at least some of the time, no kid is great all the time. But right now, theses past few weeks I believe her. That baby has been so happy and so fun.

She is a seriously happy baby who is almost a toddler.

A difficult decision to say the least

I made an incredibly difficult decision recently. I mean really difficult. On par with changing jobs, moving, or deciding to have a child. It certainly will change my life just as much as any of the mentioned decisions.

I decided to retire (take a break, I'm not sure yet) from roller derby.

This post is for me. It is so I remember how much I love derby and how hard this decision was for me. It is so I know I seriously weighed my options and made this decision for me and my family. It is so I recall that I did not come by this decision lightly.

It is also so my teammates know these things. I planned to explain to them why I had to quit when I told them, but all I could do was cry and blubber. Written words will have to do.

As I said, this was not a decision made in haste or with little thought. In fact, I am pretty sure JT would have invested in ear plugs or left me if I talked about it to/with him anymore. I wanted guidance from him. But being the incredible husband he is, he refused to tip the scales for me. He insisted that what is best for our family is whatever I decide. If roller derby is what makes me happy, do it. If I feel overwhelmed and stressed trying to fit everything in, don't do it. Simple. Right?

I am eternally grateful for his support, he has never complained about my involvement with derby. Ever. But, in this case I really, really wanted some guidance. I know in my heart he was right, it was a decision I needed to make for me, not him. But it was hard, and I wanted him to make it for me.

After a great deal of wavering, I decided to stop skating for now. I now JT does not think I will stick to this decision. He has made this abundantly clear. He knows derby. He knows derby girls. He knows that derby is so much more than a hobby. It is an addiction. A way of life. It is fulfilling and gratifying.

I am going to stop skating though. I have to. For my soul, my mind, and my body.

That is why I am quitting. I cannot do it all anymore. It is too much for this human woman.

 I miss my baby. There are just not enough hours in the day right now for me to do derby, be the mom I want to be, and have the career I want to have. One of these things needs to give and unfortunately I only saw one option. I love being a mom. I love my career. I need more time for both of those things. Unfortunately the only place I could find more time was from derby.

You may think if you love derby so much, why not just cut back? Continue skating but go part time, or just less.

Those of you who know me know this is not an option. I am an all or nothing person. I tried this concept this season, I failed miserably. I cannot invlove myself in something I am not 100% committed to. I blame this on my mother and her, once-you-make-a-commitment-you-must-follow through mantra. That one stuck, mom. I hope to make it stick for my kid as well. It is a good mantra, but I kind of wish it wasn't so engrained in my soul right about now.

My last game was Saturday. It was about as good as it could have been. We won a close game, it was super fun, I played pretty well. It was a great way to go out, but it made it even harder. That game was so fun. It was what derby addiction is made of.

I told JT it would have been easier if I would have played terribly or if we had had a rough game. I would never wish those things for my team, but it would  have made it easier to walk away. I am so happy we won Saturday. I am so happy it was an incredibly fun game. I am so happy I felt good about how I played.

I am so sad it was my last game.

I will miss my team with an intensity I cannot describe. I will miss derby with an intensity I cannot describe. BUT

I also will love sleeping more, seeing my family more, and getting caught up at work more than I can describe. I will love having the energy to play with Audrey. I am excited to expand our family. I am so excited to have time for running, yoga, and other hobbies that have been put aside. I am excited to have more money, good lord derby is expensive.

It is with a heavily conflicted heart I look forward to the months ahead. Vixens please know you are my sisters. I love everything about the Vixens, and I will remain involved in a smaller way. I cannot give you up cold-turkey. You are my family in a city where I have none. You are friends, mentors, and advocates. You are the most incredible group of men and women with which I have ever been involved and I am not going to give that up. I love being a Vixen and always will be, even if I'm not on the track. I want you to know how much the love and support of this team means to me and how hard it was for me to come to this decision. You all are the best, thank you.

And please don't worry, serious baby will still be around.

I miss my baby.

I am failing at blogging in a timely manner.

There are many things I am failing at right now.

Time is a serious struggle for me presently. It is only going to get worse with the loss of my house husband, which I am super happy about, yay for an end to the government shut down. Yay, paychecks. But it won't help with the too much to do, too little time problem.

This time crunch situation means I am behind on blogs, it means I have almost no new pictures of Audrey, it means I have missed bedtime and snuggle time and steps so many times in the past few weeks. It means I miss my baby. A lot. It means when I am with my baby it is all I can do not to smother her in hugs and kisses, which she hates by the way. It means I miss my husband and lazy days at home. It means I miss slow life.

BUT, things are about to get better. I have my last weekend work event and my last derby bout of the season this weekend. And, I don't have any overnight trips planned in the near future.

Bring on the family time! The snuggles, the cuddles, the walking, and the whining. I am excited for it all!

I am dreaming of family weekends at the pumpkin patch, Halloween parties, and even a date night for JT and me. Time is about to get less scarce and that makes me really, really excited.

Taking steps, or so I've heard.

Apparently, Audrey took three steps in a row on Saturday. She wobble, walked from the couch to the coffee table.

I say apparently because I was working, so I did not witness this milestone. JT excitedly texted me the news, and I tried not to cry.

I may have mentioned to him that it would be OK if he didn't tell me about big milestones that happen when I'm not home.

But really, I know he was super excited and I was too.

I wouldn't want him not to tell me. It will be special for me when I see Audrey's take steps for the first time whether it is the first time she has ever done it, or just the first time I have seen her.'Cause let's be real, I'm not going to be there to witness every milestone.

At least this is what I keep telling myself.

We are fortunate in that if she has walked at daycare we have no idea. Our daycare provider doesn't  tell us if stuff like that happens. It is not her first rodeo. Just one reason why she rocks.

I'm sure Audrey will be taking more steps in no time. She stands unassisted for quite a bit and loves to wobble/fall/reach from one piece of furniture to another. She is working hard on walking. Such a big girl!

I don't have any video yet, as I was not there. But will get some soon, I hope.

In other news, the government is still shut down. So, JT is not working. Such fun.

He has been keeping busy being a house husband and going to the gym. I am getting pretty used to having a house husband. However, losing my house husband so we can have 60% of our income back is an adjustment I am happy to make. I hope to adjust sooner rather than later.

We will end on a happy note, because really who wants to hear about JT's furlough problems.

Because JT hasn't been working we have been able to do more fun things like take Audrey to the park after daycare. She is finally willing to crawl on wood chips. This has made the park a whole new experience.

Swinging is still her favorite. You cannot argue with these photos.