Audrey: 5 Years

How in the world are you 5 years old baby girl?!? That is just not possible!

Our sweet, spunky girl is 5. You are maturing and growing by leaps and bounds every single day. You have a kind spirit, a strong desire to have life go your way, and when you decide a determination that can't be stopped. Unfortunately you often opt not to be determined, but it is there.



You, baby girl love to play pretend more than anything else in this world. Every day when I pick you up from school and ask about free choice time you say you played school and family. Every day. You have four babies you care for night and day. Their names are Sadie, Barney, Barrack, and Margret. We shall see what you name the  brand new baby you are getting for your birthday?!

I will get to all of the things you love in a minute, but first let's talk about your kind and caring spirit. Now, to be fair you are not kind and caring all the time. You are 5 and sometimes you are decidedly unkind. But at your core you are a caregiver. You love to help with baby Sam, to a fault at times. And when you are in the mood you are very helpful to mom and dad as well. But your kindness shines in interactions with your brothers, most of the time. You love to help them. You always know what they are saying, this actually drives mom crazy but it is helpful. And you often play together quite nicely. The other day we went to an open house at Mr. Jim's Nature Discovery Center (Mr. Jim is your favorite special teacher at school. He teaches nature, be still my heart.). When you asked if brothers could miss nap next time Mr. Jim has an open house so they could come with. You said you felt very, very sad brothers didn't get to come because you really thought they would have loved seeing all the animals at Mr. Jim's. This is one of the kindest most compassionate moments I have experienced with you and it was so very genuine. You HATE it when brothers miss their nap, so this declaration was seriously selfless sweet girl.

Speaking of brothers I would be remiss not to talk about the bond you and Soren have. It is unexpected, and intense. Your dad and I think you and Soren play together more than Soren and Kai play together. I never would have expected that. In fact my first thought when we found out we were having twin boys was, what did we do to our sweet girl? She will forever be an outsider. Well it seems at least in this stage of life that was a needless worry because you and Soren are tight. You love to sit and read the cake book together, he loves babies too and likes to join in pretend play with you (you aren't always a fan of this, don't worry he is getting a doll of his own), you play tag, and Soren is forever saying Audrey, Audrey. It is so fun to watch the love you have for each other. You and Kai play too, but Soren is definitely your guy right now.

Other things you love include Sparty, my goodness you love Sparty so much. You also love books, PJ Masks, peanut butter, soccer, riding your bike, carrot sandwiches, and the museum. Your favorite color is still pink and you love to put together unique outfits for school each day. You are a fantastic counter and are even figuring out some very simple addition and subtraction. You are getting good at your letters and have started asking how to spell words. You can write your name from memory. You still hold your pencil in a fist, but I'm sure you'll work out how to write a bit neater in time, or maybe not. Mom has pretty terrible handwriting as well. You have started drawing objects and are getting pretty good at coloring. You are getting so big!


 



 

You love babas and cousins more than almost anything else. You love both sets of grandparents and those cousins. Oh my you love those cousins, especially Anders. You are been talking about how excited you are to see Anders and play zombie tag at babas for weeks!!




You are your own woman and that is just how it should be. At home you are the boss of all things, but with your peers you are mild mannered and a bit reserved. I am forever trying to help you advocate for your needs with your peers. You should get a turn to be the mom when you play family too, baby girl! Vocalize your needs, stand up for yourself, be confident, you are amazing and people will like you! But then those are things that most grown ups struggle with too, so we will keep at it and you will learn as you go.


We love you sweet baby girl. I am going to be sad when you start kindergarten next year and we no longer have Tuesday mornings just Audrey and mommy. Having one of my days off be on a day brothers are in school is the best decision I ever made. I love having a morning every week of just mommy and Audrey time. I think you love it too. I am going to miss them when you go to school.



Keep growing and exploring my sweet five year old. The world is yours to take by storm.

Trying to have it all but getting none of it?

Hi. It has been awhile! I promise a two year update for the brothers soon! And a 4 year update for Audrey, I suppose that should come first...

At any rate I have been having thoughts about being a mom, having a career, and how those things interact. Some of you may know I recently reduced my work hours a little bit, from full time (40+) to 32 hours. Not a huge drop but enough to allow me to be home with the kids two days a week, squeezing in a little work before they wake, after they go to bed, or while the brothers nap and Audrey rots her brain with TV. And sometimes I have a sick kid in my lap while Tayo plays on one monitor and GIS is on the other, and that's fine because that is working with kids. I don't mind squeezing it it when I can. I like my job. I like to work. But I also like to be with my kids and see them grow. I like it all.

The idea was to give me a little more time with the kids and to give me a little more time to do work around the house so the weekends aren't all chores all the time. I must add JT does lots of work around the house too, lots. But he also works, so if we want weekend time to do fun stuff someone has to do it during the week, but he still does pretty much all the dishes and laundry. I would say we have achieved these two goals, which is great!

What I didn't expect quite so much, was to feel like I am now not a "real" scientist. That because I chose to reduce my work hours I am not a real career woman. That I don't value my career. That I don't find joy and pride in my work. None of these things are true. I realize that feeling this way is partially my own insecurity and issue. But, I do think part of why I feel this way is because of society. In America we seem to be very all or nothing in all things, but especially when it comes to parenting. I simultaneously don't really feel like I fit with moms who care for their kids as their job (I don't know what the correct term is here "stay at home" doesn't seem right nor does "full time" so we'll go with mom as a job, because we all know it is a JOB). Not because I am shunned by these moms, that is not true at all. But because I do have time away, I do have adult time, I do have time to exercise my brain. So I don't fully relate to the reality of being a mom as a job. And in addition to those great pluses, I have work stress. So much work stress, probably as much work stress as mom stress. But also don't have full mom stress because I have a break, you see where I'm coming from? This is minor though, I mostly feel like I have found my mom tribe. My work tribe though, that is a much more elusive beast. To be clear, my boss and workplace are super fantastic. This is more of an overarching problem with work and life in general.

This leaves me in a place where I tend to feel inadequate in all places. Again, this is partially my problem and I have largely gotten over it. I am good at my job. I work hard when I am there, I will go back full time when the kids are in school. I also am a good mom. I work hard when I am with the kids. We have fun and struggles and love and it is beautiful.

My point is, if I feel this way other moms who work part-time probably do too, and frankly moms who work full-time. They probably also have the phrases "mommy track" and "doing the mom thing" swirling in their heads when they can't make a meeting on a mom day or can't stay late because their kid has swimming lessons.

And here is my real point - careers are important and kids are important.

And we shouldn't feel like we have to choose which is more important. There should be a balance. Balance should be the norm, America. And frankly, I feel like I have that balance shit down, and I don't like feeling shitty about it. We should value the contribution made by mothers and fathers who work but also want to be present for their kids. Because guess what, we continue to work hard and one day our kids will be grown and we will still be here working hard, but now with more flexibility and more ability to work long hours and be flexible in our work schedule. And our kids need us now when they are small. We all want productive, kind tiny humans right? Well, tiny humans need present parents to be productive and kind!

Can we work on this, America? Please. Can we work on valuing work and valuing parenting and helping families with young kids make things work? Please. Because, we are, yet again, behind the rest of the world on this one. And I bet more talented, amazing women would continue to work some after they have kids if this balance was common and within grasp, and that would be a great asset to our society.

And now I feel a little better and hopefully you do too mom who feels under valued as a mom, or as a career woman, or as a hybrid because we are all so, so valuable.