The idea was to give me a little more time with the kids and to give me a little more time to do work around the house so the weekends aren't all chores all the time. I must add JT does lots of work around the house too, lots. But he also works, so if we want weekend time to do fun stuff someone has to do it during the week, but he still does pretty much all the dishes and laundry. I would say we have achieved these two goals, which is great!
What I didn't expect quite so much, was to feel like I am now not a "real" scientist. That because I chose to reduce my work hours I am not a real career woman. That I don't value my career. That I don't find joy and pride in my work. None of these things are true. I realize that feeling this way is partially my own insecurity and issue. But, I do think part of why I feel this way is because of society. In America we seem to be very all or nothing in all things, but especially when it comes to parenting. I simultaneously don't really feel like I fit with moms who care for their kids as their job (I don't know what the correct term is here "stay at home" doesn't seem right nor does "full time" so we'll go with mom as a job, because we all know it is a JOB). Not because I am shunned by these moms, that is not true at all. But because I do have time away, I do have adult time, I do have time to exercise my brain. So I don't fully relate to the reality of being a mom as a job. And in addition to those great pluses, I have work stress. So much work stress, probably as much work stress as mom stress. But also don't have full mom stress because I have a break, you see where I'm coming from? This is minor though, I mostly feel like I have found my mom tribe. My work tribe though, that is a much more elusive beast. To be clear, my boss and workplace are super fantastic. This is more of an overarching problem with work and life in general.
This leaves me in a place where I tend to feel inadequate in all places. Again, this is partially my problem and I have largely gotten over it. I am good at my job. I work hard when I am there, I will go back full time when the kids are in school. I also am a good mom. I work hard when I am with the kids. We have fun and struggles and love and it is beautiful.
And here is my real point - careers are important and kids are important
And we shouldn't feel like we have to choose which is more important. There should be a balance. Balance should be the norm, America. And frankly, I feel like I have that balance shit down, and I don't like feeling shitty about it. We should value the contribution made by mothers and fathers who work but also want to be present for their kids. Because guess what, we continue to work hard and one day our kids will be grown and we will still be here working hard, but now with more flexibility and more ability to work long hours and be flexible in our work schedule. And our kids need us now when they are small. We all want productive, kind tiny humans right? Well, tiny humans need present parents to be productive and kind!
And now I feel a little better and hopefully you do too mom who feels under valued as a mom, or as a career woman, or as a hybrid because we are all so, so valuable.
