Yesterday I had my first heart walking outside my body experience. What am I talking about? It was the first time other kids were not so nice to Audrey, she was distraught, and there was nothing I could do to help her (to be clear I don't think I should have done anything this is life). My heart. Oh my heart.
This was the most minor of minor incidents so I cannot imagine how I am going to feel when she is a tween and actual mean things are happening.
We were at the park and there was a sandbox with toys. Honestly, I wasn't paying that much attention, just letting A play. And I did not know who the toys in the sandbox belonged to. I thought they might be the parks as that is sometimes the case. A loves the sandbox. It is her absolute favorite. So she went in picked up a shovel and started digging. The little girl who the toys belonged to quickly gathered up all of the toys, left the sandbox, and went a little ways away to tell her friends "that girl keeps trying to take my toys" in a not very nice way. Meanwhile A was super sad and confused. "Mama, where did the toys go? I want to dig?" Of course I said, "I am really sorry buddy, but those aren't our toys, so we can't use them unless the owner offers. I'm sorry I didn't know there was a sandbox next time we will bring toys. Let's dig with our hands." And I got in that sandbox with a baby strapped to my body to dig with her, because my heart was breaking for her. She just didn't understand.
Then. THEN. The other girl brought her toys back and started playing. Before A even tried to use a toy the girl said to her friend "that girl keeps trying to take my toys and dig in my hole!" This was the point at which I could not bear it anymore. I said, "she just wants to play with them, she won't take them."
The other girl thought about that a bit and finally offered that A could play with a toy, a tiny frog shovel but it did not matter to A. She just wanted something, anything to play with. A friend of the toy girl then offered A a big scoop and all was right in the world. Thank goodness. But good grief was it hard to watch this whole process unfold. Not even because the girl didn't want to share her toys. That is fine they are hers she doesn't have to share them. But because of how caddy she was about the whole thing. All she had to do was say TO A these are my toys and I am using them right now. OK that is fine they are your toys, I would have explained that to A and she would have understood. Just say it TO HER for the love of all things.
Moms of girls, can we agree to try, TRY to teach our girls that it is far better to have discussions such as this WITH the person. The talking behind backs, to friends, all of the caddy is so not needed. I know it is what girls do, I was/am one too. But please, PLEASE can we at least try to head this one off. Let's all agree to lead by example here.
For the love of my heart that is walking around outside my body, help me out. Let's not accept that "girls with be girls" let's try to help our girls develop into kind, considerate people who know how to communicate with one another in effective ways. It will serve all of us well.
Thank you for your cooperation.
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