If we only had one baby...

This post was supposed to got like this: list a bunch of times when I think if we only had one baby life would be easier because x,y, or z would be done. And then list a bunch of reasons why having twins more than makes up for the if we only had one baby.

Here is the deal. We have had a couple of weeks that have been hard. Travel, growth spurts, teeth. Hard stuff. The brothers are not big enough to do a lot of the very endearing twins things, and quite frankly I can't think of very many reasons why two babies are better than one right now.

Of course I love always having a baby available to love. And I love it when they hold hands. That is the absolute sweetest. It is also great when they get so excited to see each. Priceless. I would not trade them for one baby, not today, not ever.

I know the intense brotherly love will only grow over time, and I will one day have a huge list of reasons why twins are the bomb dot com.

But.

Today is not that day.

Today life with twins is hard.

When one baby sleeps the other wakes.

When one baby is content to play the other needs to be held.

When one baby is happy the other is sad.

When my head hits the pillow for bed one baby is hungry.

When I need to work before the kids get up one baby is up at 5:30.

And so it goes on.

Right now, on this day life with twins is hard. I love them to the moon and back. I would not trade them for the world. But real talk, having two babies is really F-ing hard. For reals.

Someday soon I will write the two babies are greater than one post. But not today. Today two babies are really F-ing hard. Because that is real life my friends.

So cute though.

The brothers: 5 months

The brothers are 5 months old. The age at which babies start to become little people. They have had a very busy month. They went on their first bus ride, they said goodbye to their first dog, they went to their first farmers market, and they played with their sister a lot.

First bus ride!

 

First farmers market.

 For the most part they are happy little guys. They still prefer mom to most anyone but they do love their daddy and their sister. They also love the pets. This is such a fun age when they start to smile and giggle in response to behavior.

 It is really fun to see how they are becoming their own little people in spite of the fact that they have the same genes. Soren has the most horrific high pitched cry you have ever heard while Kai just sort of grunts and whines much like Audrey did. Kai is much quicker to laugh but Soren lives with a smile on his face. Soren started rolling all over the place today while Kai has only rolled a time or two. Two separate people.

 The little guys actually sleep pretty darn well. Especially since we got them magic sleep suits. Our nanny will agree that the magic suits are far superior to the swaddle wraps. However, they are still babies and they take turns winning at sleep. Generally they are up once in the middle of the night and once early in the morning, so really pretty darn good for little men. Can't really complain, I mean I would love more sleep, or even just more than 4 hours in a row. But really, they are babies and they sleep like babies.

Things they love right now

• Standing up 
• Trying to sit up, they can do like 5 seconds on their own
• Their forest
• Their bouncer and exersaucer
• Toys
• Swimming
• Books
• Sister
• Pets
• Milk
• Being naked

Things they hate right now

• Baths - Soren hates them Kai is indifferent
•  Coughs 
• Getting their noses wiped
• Daddy putting them to bed when mom is available
• Being tired
• Having to wait their turn - twin life

They are pretty happy little guys for the most part. I love watching you grow beautiful boys!

Dear Shasta

Dear Shasta,

You my sweetest dog were the best dog a family could dream of having. From the very first time I fell in love with you at adoption day to the very last second you were with us. You were truly the best.

You have taught us so much about love, life and loss. Perhaps the best lesson we learned from you is you never know if you don't ask. Always ask. You see, when we adopted you your dad and I were both commuting an hour each way to work and lived in a no pets townhouse. We were going to be moving in a couple months. We saw you and I fell in love with your sad hound eyes, but I knew we couldn't have a dog right then. I could not stop thinking about you. Just couldn't. Your dad said send the foster mom an email and see if we might be able to adopt her now but not have her come live with us until we move. I said, there is no way. He said, you won't know if you don't ask. Well, do ask. Always ask.

We have so many beautiful memories of you sweet, Shasta girl. The problem is we were supposed to have so many more. There were supposed to be many years of memories yet to come. You were supposed to grow old while our children grow up, you were supposed to give into age after a long full life. Unfortunately, you were taken by sickness after a far too short, but very full life.

I am so angry that you had to leave us so soon, sweet girl. You are far too young to leave this earth, nine years is not nearly long enough. You were supposed to grow old and gray. Become stiff, lose your teeth. Age. That will never be. You still acted like a puppy until just weeks before you died. Excited to go for runs able to jump and chase. That is what makes me so angry. YOU were not ready to be done with life. You were still full of life, full of love, still full.

But your body was done. The sickness has become too much. You were in pain, uncomfortable, not yourself. Your dad and I were tasked with deciding when sickness had taken the life from you. That is a really hard job. Really. Really. Hard. However, we agreed we would rather give you relief a day early than make you suffer one day too long.

We watched you these last few days to try to decide when. You are a tough girl, you carried on with a smile for as long as you could. But you let us know when you were ready. Perhaps the clearest message of all though, was that you slept in our bed the last night of your life. You have never, not once, slept in our bed all night. We usually had to beg you to come visit us in bed before you curled up on your chair. You have always been a dog who loves her people but also her personal space. I cannot thank you enough for giving us that precious gift, sweet girl. We will forever remember that we got to spend your last night together. All night. Thank you for saying goodbye to us so we could say goodbye to you.

Watching frogs in the window well.

I cannot help but feel so sad for all that  I had planned for us. You see my sweet dog, you were supposed to grow to be best friends with Audrey. I had visions of you two exploring the yard together, playing fetch, cuddling on the couch. This dream had just started to materialize. Audrey had begun to assign you the role of "Toby" in her Sheriff Callie game. She had begun to ask you to come with her places, she was starting to see you as a friend. My heart breaks.













But, all we dream does not come to be. I am so very sad that none of our children will have memories of Shasta dog. I desperately want them to remember how amazing you were. How gentle and kind you have always been to all of our children. How you hate to hear a baby cry and love to steal snacks from toddlers. How excited you get to go for walks and runs. How you love to chase tennis balls in the basement and lay on your couch. Yes, you have a couch. I imagine it will remain your couch for many years to come, because it has always been Shasta's couch. Since the day we bought it.

Saying goodbye is so hard. So very hard. Thankfully we had a chance to say goodbye. To give you a week of make a wish activities. One last walk in the woods, one last swim, one last cheeseburger, one last ice cream. We are also so thankful to have an amazing vet who did a wonderful job helping us to say goodbye to you. So caring, kind, and respectful. It made the whole process as easy as it could be.

We will remember you Shasta. We will make a memorial for you in our woods. Your woods. The woods you spent hundreds of hours in. Your favorite place in the world. A place we will be able to go to remember you sweet Shasta dog.  We love you so much and are so heartbroken at the loss of you.

I just want to watch Marley and Me all day and cry for you. JT thinks I am insane and has zero desire to watch a sad movie. Male female difference perhaps, but I want to grieve you with giant shaking sobs. Because you, my sweet dog deserve giant shaking sobs.

We will always remember you Shasta. All of our great times. All of the walks, swims, trips to the park, adventures, and cuddles. We will love you until the day we die, sweetest girl.

All of our Love,

Mom, Dad, Audrey, Kai, and Soren

The brothers: 4 months.

The brothers turned 4 months old while I was traveling for work.

I was gone from Monday to Friday. The Babas (my parents) came to help JT. They all looked pretty ragged when I got home. Apparently the brothers missed me. Or, more specifically they missed my breasts. They have never been wild for the bottle and apparently dislike it even more when the milk is frozen. Especially Kai. For perspective, when I left both swings were in the basement and had been since the brothers were born. When I got home one was upstairs. Poor brothers.

Kai's crabby week was attributed to my absence, however Soren has been a super crab this week and I am here so perhaps it was more related to a growth spurt and developmental leaps. Who knows.

What we do know is that the 4 month sleep regression is real. I didn't recall experiencing it with Audrey so I looked back at old blog posts. Rose colored glasses. She too was on the sleep struggle bus at 4 months. I take solace in the fact that I did not remember sleep was rough at four months, that can only mean it improved quickly. Because sleep regression times two babies is no joke.

We did decide that since they aren't sleeping well anyway now would be a good time to move them to their crib. This may be a tactical error but there is no turning back now!

Really though, the brothers are great. They are giggly fun little people with easy smiles. They are happy to entertain themselves on a blanket or in their floor gym for a good long time. They are growing wonderfully, Soren even made it onto the weight curve at 2%. Kai is not quite there yet but they are both doing great weighing in at 12 pounds 3 ounces and 11 pounds 14 ounces. 

They have rolled over a handful of times but it really isn't a regular occurrence yet. At least I think both have. We have found the hard thing about twins is separating milestones between kids. We tend to think of them as one, sorry brothers. Both brothers do love to bat at and play with toys, in fact they have very good aim. They also love to stand up. Soren impressed his physical therapist with his standing abilities, good work Soren.

That doots still loves to help with the brothers. Perhaps too much. She is really good with them, so much so we don't always watch her as closely as we should. The other night I looked over and she was saying "wee!" and swinging Soren as hard as she could in his swing. Whoops. He was fine. She also likes to come in their room to "help put them to bed" it is not even a little bit helpful. Generally speaking though, she really is pretty great with them. She has gotten pretty good at giving them pacifiers and is quick to help when asked. Good work little lady.

I love giggly babies

There are few giggles as infectious as little baby giggles. The brothers have started to giggle and it is the best. They actually have been laughing for several weeks but I have been having a hard time getting them on camera.

Grandma Mary helped a mama out and got video of both brothers. Soren has an incredibly cute laugh and even better wide open mouth smile. However, he is much more discerning about what elicits giggles than Kai. However, he is quick with his smiles. Kai also has an adorable little giggle and is much quicker to laugh.

Enjoy the videos. Four month updates coming soon!

Just to give Audrey her chance to shine, here is a video my mom sent to me while I was traveling for work last week. I may have watched it 653 times and shed an equal number of tears.

The brothers: 3 months.

 The brothers are almost 4 months old, so how about a 3 month post!

This is the first month I only have a phone picture of them with their 3 month sign. Sorry brothers, I'm sure it won't be the last time. On that note, I need to either fix the camera on my phone or get a phone with a better camera, cause this one just isn't cutting it.

The brothers had a busy month three. They went on their first long car ride to see all of their Babas in Madison. They also got to hang out with aunts, uncles, and cousins. Frankly they were a little cranky about the change to their routine, but I'm sure they will enjoy their baba time more someday soon.

They were little troopers on the car ride though! It is about 6 hours of driving time and we only had to stop once each way. The stop was a long one, nursing, eating, changing, etc. But it only extended our trip by about an hour. Good work little buddies.

The brother are changing so much every day. They are giggling like little cuties and are so engaged in what we are doing. It is so much fun.

Audrey loves the brothers to pieces as well. She is always letting us know if they want to get out of bed and wants to help with all of the things. Here is your nook, brother. Here is your toy brother. Oh, brother I love you followed by a hug. She is a spectacular big sister.

Soren continues to demand individual attention in the form of very minor medical issues. He has moved on from the days of not feeding well to the world of torticollis. Basically he had a kink in his neck from being so smooshed in utero and does not like to turn his head left. Turns out he needs therapy for it so he doesn't end up with a misshapen head. So, he gets time alone with mom and dad once or twice a week when we go to OT and cranial sacral therapy. Hey, Soren if you want some individual attention just let us know bud, you don't have to keep seeking it in the form of medical issues. Deal?

Really, though both brothers are super healthy and developing great. We have no complaints there.

Other developments this month include:

• Smiles that come with barely any effort on our part
• The sweetest baby giggles
• Following people and toys with their eyes and heads
• Happy independent play on the floor
• They love to look around at the world, especially from babywearing devices, they spend a lot of time being worn because, three kids!
• Kicking their legs and rolling to their sides like champs

Those brothers are getting so big already. I am trying to really focus on enjoying this time as much as humanly possible because they will be our last babies. Somehow knowing there is no next time makes being up in the middle of the night and calming crying babies easier. Because this too shall pass, and we don't ever have to come back again.

Crunchy mama in training.

Audrey deserves a post today as well. She is so much fun right now. She has also started doing two things that have melted me. For real.

Well, maybe three because isn't it fun when she picks her own clothes.

Backstory: you may have figured out by now that we use some "crunchy" parenting practices (breast feeding, babywearing, cloth diapers). We did with Audrey too, nothing new. When the brothers were born "they" gave Audrey a baby carrier for her dolls/stuffed animals so she could wear them like mom and dad. She cast it aside and had not used it once.

Until recently. She came out holding Elmo to her belly one day and said "I wear him like mom and dad!" Be still my heart. Of course I ran and got her baby carrier for her. She has continued to ask to wear baby. Win!





















I also breastfeed the brothers. They get bottles when I am away but when I am here I nurse them, largely because I think it is so much easier than washing bottles but also because I enjoy nursing. Especially with twins, but that is a post for another time. I also volunteer at the local hospital helping new moms with breastfeeding difficulties. I am a believer. So it sort of breaks my heart when Audrey always gives her babies bottles. I often say "doesn't baby want mama milk from mama" to no avail. I definitely respect that each family should choose the feeding practice that works best for them, but I just really want her to grow up thinking breastfeeding is the norm. Silly? Perhaps, but I am not perfect. JT knows how it just kills me that she never pretends to breastfeed. He makes fun of me for it all the time.

The other day he shouted "get in here Audrey is nursing her baby!" Obviously I dropped whoever I was nursing and came running. And there was my sweet baby girl with Elmo under her shirt feeding him her mama milk. Then she asked me to feed Elmo my mama milk. Of course I obliged. Tonight while I was feeding a brother she helped her giraffe drink from my other breast, and when I was feeding both brothers at the same time she fed giraffe her mama milk. Love. Love. Love. I just love her so much.

I realize I sound like a crazy person to many of you, but I don't even care. That is how much I love my little crunchy mama in training. Keep it up sweet girl.