Dear Shasta,
You my sweetest dog were the best dog a family could dream of having. From the very first time I fell in love with you at adoption day to the very last second you were with us. You were truly the best.
You have taught us so much about love, life and loss. Perhaps the best lesson we learned from you is you never know if you don't ask. Always ask. You see, when we adopted you your dad and I were both commuting an hour each way to work and lived in a no pets townhouse. We were going to be moving in a couple months. We saw you and I fell in love with your sad hound eyes, but I knew we couldn't have a dog right then. I could not stop thinking about you. Just couldn't. Your dad said send the foster mom an email and see if we might be able to adopt her now but not have her come live with us until we move. I said, there is no way. He said, you won't know if you don't ask. Well, do ask. Always ask.
We have so many beautiful memories of you sweet, Shasta girl. The problem is we were supposed to have so many more. There were supposed to be many years of memories yet to come. You were supposed to grow old while our children grow up, you were supposed to give into age after a long full life. Unfortunately, you were taken by sickness after a far too short, but very full life.
I am so angry that you had to leave us so soon, sweet girl. You are far too young to leave this earth, nine years is not nearly long enough. You were supposed to grow old and gray. Become stiff, lose your teeth. Age. That will never be. You still acted like a puppy until just weeks before you died. Excited to go for runs able to jump and chase. That is what makes me so angry. YOU were not ready to be done with life. You were still full of life, full of love, still full.
But your body was done. The sickness has become too much. You were in pain, uncomfortable, not yourself. Your dad and I were tasked with deciding when sickness had taken the life from you. That is a really hard job. Really. Really. Hard. However, we agreed we would rather give you relief a day early than make you suffer one day too long.
We watched you these last few days to try to decide when. You are a tough girl, you carried on with a smile for as long as you could. But you let us know when you were ready. Perhaps the clearest message of all though, was that you slept in our bed the last night of your life. You have never, not once, slept in our bed all night. We usually had to beg you to come visit us in bed before you curled up on your chair. You have always been a dog who loves her people but also her personal space. I cannot thank you enough for giving us that precious gift, sweet girl. We will forever remember that we got to spend your last night together. All night. Thank you for saying goodbye to us so we could say goodbye to you.
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| Watching frogs in the window well. |
I cannot help but feel so sad for all that I had planned for us. You see my sweet dog, you were supposed to grow to be best friends with Audrey. I had visions of you two exploring the yard together, playing fetch, cuddling on the couch. This dream had just started to materialize. Audrey had begun to assign you the role of "Toby" in her Sheriff Callie game. She had begun to ask you to come with her places, she was starting to see you as a friend. My heart breaks.
But, all we dream does not come to be. I am so very sad that none of our children will have memories of Shasta dog. I desperately want them to remember how amazing you were. How gentle and kind you have always been to all of our children. How you hate to hear a baby cry and love to steal snacks from toddlers. How excited you get to go for walks and runs. How you love to chase tennis balls in the basement and lay on your couch. Yes, you have a couch. I imagine it will remain your couch for many years to come, because it has always been Shasta's couch. Since the day we bought it.
Saying goodbye is so hard. So very hard. Thankfully we had a chance to say goodbye. To give you a week of make a wish activities. One last walk in the woods, one last swim, one last cheeseburger, one last ice cream. We are also so thankful to have an amazing vet who did a wonderful job helping us to say goodbye to you. So caring, kind, and respectful. It made the whole process as easy as it could be.
We will remember you Shasta. We will make a memorial for you in our woods. Your woods. The woods you spent hundreds of hours in. Your favorite place in the world. A place we will be able to go to remember you sweet Shasta dog. We love you so much and are so heartbroken at the loss of you.
I just want to watch Marley and Me all day and cry for you. JT thinks I am insane and has zero desire to watch a sad movie. Male female difference perhaps, but I want to grieve you with giant shaking sobs. Because you, my sweet dog deserve giant shaking sobs.
We will always remember you Shasta. All of our great times. All of the walks, swims, trips to the park, adventures, and cuddles. We will love you until the day we die, sweetest girl.
All of our Love,
Mom, Dad, Audrey, Kai, and Soren
